Harbus

Issue date: 11/5/07 Section: Humor

But perhaps I am being too harsh on the turkeys. Perhaps, like the rest of us, they are merely here seeking knowledge, enlightenment and an entry-level job in consulting. I have not yet been able to confirm with the admissions office whether to turkeys are legitimate students, and have not yet found their classcards (Mr Turkey? T. U. Rkey? Kevin the Turkey?), but maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt. I can see how the essay on the turkey's 'greatest achievement' could have been quite moving (surviving Thanksgiving) but I have my concerns about how thoroughly the rest of their applications was assessed. We know that it is technically possible to get into HBS without a college degree, but that turkey must have had one hell of a recommendation letter (probably from Bernard Matthews*). Alternatively, perhaps the turkeys are here as ambassadors for an as-yet-unrevealed further stage in the much-maligned '2+2 Program'. Not content with breaking down barriers of age and experience, the HBS faculty is keen to be seen as non-species-ist and is extending the hand of invitation to those potential talented applicants who have not yet met the required level of evolutionary development, but may at some point in future and therefore should not be excluded from the hallowed halls of Aldrich on that technicality. Unfortunately many of them have already accepted jobs at hedge funds.

More prosaically, there have been news stories about a plague of wild turkeys in various parts of Boston, although obviously the ones here at HBS are undoubtedly superior to the ones who choose to hang around on suburban street corners in Brookline. Perhaps they really just are uninvited pests, and even the might of the HBS administration machine has yet found a way to get rid of them. I am certain that Dean Light, with his well-known reputation for building strong relationships between HBS and other institutions, has done his best to find a willing zoo, farm or second-tier business school to take them off our hands, but I don't think that it is as easy as that. I suspect that there is a dark side to the turkeys. After seeing them chase a tall, strapping and not entirely unmanly EC the full length of Spangler lawn during the cornhole tournament I can attest to their success at intimidation. Apparently, much like labor unions, they will back off if you 'act aggressively', but judging from the tales of intimidation and bullying from my fellow students, that is not as easy as it sounds. These birds fight back, so perhaps this Thanksgiving is a good time to try out that nut roast recipe.


*Apologies for an exclusively British joke. Please ask your section's British representative to explain it to you. If they cannot do so, feel free to e-mail me their name and address and I will personally go round and strip them of their citizenship on the spot, as well as confiscating any Marmite or Burberry they may have.

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