Spring Break
Sky Falls As Tom Midterm Approaches
RCs Seen Wallowing in Pool of Hate and Self-Loathing as TOM Faculty Crack Out the Champagne
Patrick Bateman (AP), Contributing Writer
Issue date: 10/22/07 Section: News
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The RC year is spiraling into a state of fear and nerves as the dreaded TOM mid-term approaches. However, this season has seen the hysteria arrive on campus sooner than anticipated, and at greater heights than before. Many first years have been seen wandering about Spangler Dining Hall, lost in a state of deranged madness and muttering "it's cycle-time for dinner. It's cycle-time for dinner" over and over again. Some have even been spotted running from tree to tree on campus, in what appears to be an attempt to re-create the Extend © simulation exercise in human form.
One RC has been so shell-shocked by the experience that she is considering the worst. "After realizing that I cannot understand the precise logistics of jam making, I am considering applying to a management consulting firm." Others have taken a more philosophical approach: "After much deliberation and soul-searching, I don't think I am cut out to be a process engineer. It's disappointing I know, but what can you do? When the Doré-Doré production line leaves you mystified, you just know you have to cut your losses."
Perhaps more worrying is that the TOM mid-term appears to be the latest in a long list of psychological weapons that current faculty have employed to demoralize students over the course of the term, with others ranging from the National Cranberry Case Study (abridged) to the infamous Shad. Although some in the administration suspect this is the latest in a long line of political power-plays by a TOM faculty keen to prove it's relevance in a world increasingly dominated by leverage and merger-arbitrage, others are not so certain: "they do it because they like it… why else would process control exist?"
Whilst the mid-term is often described as the "straw that broke the camel's back", possibly the most feared event in the department armory is the Shad Hall Exercise. Part electronics, part paint-by-numbers, many RCs have suffered mental breakdowns as a result of the repeated cramming of chips into circuit boards. Some have even been taking steroids in order to wire-strip more efficiently.
One RC has been so shell-shocked by the experience that she is considering the worst. "After realizing that I cannot understand the precise logistics of jam making, I am considering applying to a management consulting firm." Others have taken a more philosophical approach: "After much deliberation and soul-searching, I don't think I am cut out to be a process engineer. It's disappointing I know, but what can you do? When the Doré-Doré production line leaves you mystified, you just know you have to cut your losses."
Perhaps more worrying is that the TOM mid-term appears to be the latest in a long list of psychological weapons that current faculty have employed to demoralize students over the course of the term, with others ranging from the National Cranberry Case Study (abridged) to the infamous Shad. Although some in the administration suspect this is the latest in a long line of political power-plays by a TOM faculty keen to prove it's relevance in a world increasingly dominated by leverage and merger-arbitrage, others are not so certain: "they do it because they like it… why else would process control exist?"
Whilst the mid-term is often described as the "straw that broke the camel's back", possibly the most feared event in the department armory is the Shad Hall Exercise. Part electronics, part paint-by-numbers, many RCs have suffered mental breakdowns as a result of the repeated cramming of chips into circuit boards. Some have even been taking steroids in order to wire-strip more efficiently.
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