Spring Break
Sky Falls As Tom Midterm Approaches
RCs Seen Wallowing in Pool of Hate and Self-Loathing as TOM Faculty Crack Out the Champagne
Patrick Bateman (AP), Contributing Writer
Issue date: 10/22/07 Section: News
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Recent evidence suggests that the faculty have been honing their art for many years, but simply because they enjoy it. A member of the student body recently went undercover as a chef in the TOM faculty dining halls to find out more. He gave The Harbus this interview:
"As I was clearing away the caviar & champagne, I heard one member of the faculty remark: "this term is going to be fun. We will break them like a Benihana chopstick." Then followed discussions about how cases should be best sequenced so as to invoke Pavlovian responses to the words "Job-Shop" and "Scharffenberger." It was amazing to see how focused they were. It was pretty scary.
But I think the worst came during the main course. I was a little late serving it up, and as the dwarves were wheeling the cow into the great hall, one member sarcastically remarked to me "that's just-in-time." I was about to apologize but another cut me off, saying (in I think what was a witty reference to Francis Drake), "there's time to finish this Kobe beef and beat the RCs down too." Then they all fell about laughing in a very scary, maniacal way, for about 10 minutes."
However, when questioned, the TOM faculty played down any accusation of psychological scaremongering. One member of the faculty was particularly brash: "come-on, this is Harvard Business School. You can take it. A proper education and a hard test is hardly a genuine catastrophe. It's not like The Harvard Club has run out of Grey Goose vodka or anything like that. In fact, it's not even as shocking as an edition of The Harbus without an article on the rugby team in it. When seen in that light, the surprise essay we're giving the RCs on the final exam should be no problem at all!"
However, some suspect the TOM faculty are deliberately harsh due to more sinister motives. One professor from a rival faculty (who declined to be named), suggested that the TOM department is keen to maintain its position as one of the most revered and glamorous departments throughout Harvard's graduate schools. "They work hard and play hard, and they simply want to stay at the top of the food chain. They have all the fun. They have batches, bottlenecks, and WIP. We have WACCs and APV. How can we compete?"
Whatever the motivations of the TOM faculty are, the Harbus is keen to point out to RCs that the TOM midterm is in fact, fairly unimportant in the wider scheme of things. And it all becomes LEAD afterwards anyway. The only downside is that the exam is this Monday. Enjoy.
"As I was clearing away the caviar & champagne, I heard one member of the faculty remark: "this term is going to be fun. We will break them like a Benihana chopstick." Then followed discussions about how cases should be best sequenced so as to invoke Pavlovian responses to the words "Job-Shop" and "Scharffenberger." It was amazing to see how focused they were. It was pretty scary.
But I think the worst came during the main course. I was a little late serving it up, and as the dwarves were wheeling the cow into the great hall, one member sarcastically remarked to me "that's just-in-time." I was about to apologize but another cut me off, saying (in I think what was a witty reference to Francis Drake), "there's time to finish this Kobe beef and beat the RCs down too." Then they all fell about laughing in a very scary, maniacal way, for about 10 minutes."
However, when questioned, the TOM faculty played down any accusation of psychological scaremongering. One member of the faculty was particularly brash: "come-on, this is Harvard Business School. You can take it. A proper education and a hard test is hardly a genuine catastrophe. It's not like The Harvard Club has run out of Grey Goose vodka or anything like that. In fact, it's not even as shocking as an edition of The Harbus without an article on the rugby team in it. When seen in that light, the surprise essay we're giving the RCs on the final exam should be no problem at all!"
However, some suspect the TOM faculty are deliberately harsh due to more sinister motives. One professor from a rival faculty (who declined to be named), suggested that the TOM department is keen to maintain its position as one of the most revered and glamorous departments throughout Harvard's graduate schools. "They work hard and play hard, and they simply want to stay at the top of the food chain. They have all the fun. They have batches, bottlenecks, and WIP. We have WACCs and APV. How can we compete?"
Whatever the motivations of the TOM faculty are, the Harbus is keen to point out to RCs that the TOM midterm is in fact, fairly unimportant in the wider scheme of things. And it all becomes LEAD afterwards anyway. The only downside is that the exam is this Monday. Enjoy.
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