Spring Break
The HBS Lingo
You've just arrived. What does everything mean now that you're at HBS?
By: Benton Williams (OC), Contributing Writer
Issue date: 9/24/07 Section: Viewpoints & Humor
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Before HBS-Wrong
Being Quiet or Making a concise statement
Now-Right
Loud nonsense, "organized" in outline form, referencing:
a) Several exhibits showing maps
b) Generations of false expertise
c) Irrelevant work experience
Before HBS-Attractive
Married
Someone's partner
Ed. School
Worked in marketing and has personality defect
Now-Unattractive
Attractive
Before HBS
"I plugged numbers into a spreadsheet."
Now
"I learned many lessons about teamwork at Goldman when I personally bought out GM, fired everyone, and ran all of the plants by myself."
Before HBS
"The cafeteria food isn't good"
Now
"When are they going to hire a third sushi chef?"
Before HBS
"I hid in the broom closet to avoid an annoying coworker."
Now
"I led a cross-functional team that streamlined the operations of HR which both reduced WIP and implemented a compensation scheme that aligned incentives. Then, following honest feedback, the difficult employee was ethically fired and I promoted myself to CEO."
Before HBS
You are smart
Now
You are stupid
Before HBS
You suspect consultants do something
Now
Consultants believe they have done everything. Yet, have done nothing.
Before HBS
You think nonprofit work is cool
Now
Non-profits are for people who like the poor.
And plan to join them.
Being Quiet or Making a concise statement
Now-Right
Loud nonsense, "organized" in outline form, referencing:
a) Several exhibits showing maps
b) Generations of false expertise
c) Irrelevant work experience
Before HBS-Attractive
Married
Someone's partner
Ed. School
Worked in marketing and has personality defect
Now-Unattractive
Attractive
Before HBS
"I plugged numbers into a spreadsheet."
Now
"I learned many lessons about teamwork at Goldman when I personally bought out GM, fired everyone, and ran all of the plants by myself."
Before HBS
"The cafeteria food isn't good"
Now
"When are they going to hire a third sushi chef?"
Before HBS
"I hid in the broom closet to avoid an annoying coworker."
Now
"I led a cross-functional team that streamlined the operations of HR which both reduced WIP and implemented a compensation scheme that aligned incentives. Then, following honest feedback, the difficult employee was ethically fired and I promoted myself to CEO."
Before HBS
You are smart
Now
You are stupid
Before HBS
You suspect consultants do something
Now
Consultants believe they have done everything. Yet, have done nothing.
Before HBS
You think nonprofit work is cool
Now
Non-profits are for people who like the poor.
And plan to join them.
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