Spring Break
Mr. Tortoise and Mr. Hare
An Incomparable Parable's Fabled Sequel
Alejandro Paiuk (OB), Associate Editor
Issue date: 2/20/07 Section: Viewpoints & Humor
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You've probably all heard the story of Mr. Tortoise and Mr. Hare, but did you ever hear about their rematch? Sure! It makes sense, doesn't it? Have you met a member of the Hare family who wasn't a sore loser?
As soon as that first race was over, Mr. Hare began to complain to anyone who would listen-or not. Oh, he had his excuses, and the more he repeated them, the more plausible they seemed. Finally kind old Mrs. Shrew, who was too polite to disagree, slyly challenged him, "Well, darling, if that's the case, why don't you just demand a rematch?"
And that ate Mr. Hare up inside: he hadn't thought of it himself, how was he to approach Mr. Tortoise, and what if he was to lose again? It gnawed and gnawed at him the way he liked to chew on carrots until Mrs. Hare took matters into her own paws at a tea party with Mrs. Tortoise and casually introduced the idea. "Well, it's settled then," announced Mrs. Hare before Mrs. Tortoise could respond-you didn't expect her to have any more patience than her husband, did you?
So the date of the rematch was set, and Mr. Hare went over to see his friend Mr. Fox. Wait, Mr. Fox, you ask? Indeed, the intrepid Mr. Fox was a friend of anyone in the woods who had a problem and some money. He made sure that both disappeared in short order.
"Mr. Fox, I need you to write me the rules of a race I can't possibly lose." Always quick on his claws, Mr. Fox quipped, "You mean one in which you don't fall asleep in the middle?" Smiling to himself at Mr. Hare's embarrassment, Mr. Fox held out his foot to collect the usual consultation fee and assured Mr. Hare that his victory would be guaranteed.
Unlike before, Mr. Hare trained for this race. He went running every day, ate all the vegetables off his plate, and even asked Mrs. Hare to spy on Mr. Tortoise by dropping in on Mrs. Tortoise every once in a while. "He's not doing anything," Mrs. Hare reported for what she considered the umpteenth time. She met every protestation from Mr. Hare of "But what do you mean, anything?" with "I mean, he's not doing anything!"
As soon as that first race was over, Mr. Hare began to complain to anyone who would listen-or not. Oh, he had his excuses, and the more he repeated them, the more plausible they seemed. Finally kind old Mrs. Shrew, who was too polite to disagree, slyly challenged him, "Well, darling, if that's the case, why don't you just demand a rematch?"
And that ate Mr. Hare up inside: he hadn't thought of it himself, how was he to approach Mr. Tortoise, and what if he was to lose again? It gnawed and gnawed at him the way he liked to chew on carrots until Mrs. Hare took matters into her own paws at a tea party with Mrs. Tortoise and casually introduced the idea. "Well, it's settled then," announced Mrs. Hare before Mrs. Tortoise could respond-you didn't expect her to have any more patience than her husband, did you?
So the date of the rematch was set, and Mr. Hare went over to see his friend Mr. Fox. Wait, Mr. Fox, you ask? Indeed, the intrepid Mr. Fox was a friend of anyone in the woods who had a problem and some money. He made sure that both disappeared in short order.
"Mr. Fox, I need you to write me the rules of a race I can't possibly lose." Always quick on his claws, Mr. Fox quipped, "You mean one in which you don't fall asleep in the middle?" Smiling to himself at Mr. Hare's embarrassment, Mr. Fox held out his foot to collect the usual consultation fee and assured Mr. Hare that his victory would be guaranteed.
Unlike before, Mr. Hare trained for this race. He went running every day, ate all the vegetables off his plate, and even asked Mrs. Hare to spy on Mr. Tortoise by dropping in on Mrs. Tortoise every once in a while. "He's not doing anything," Mrs. Hare reported for what she considered the umpteenth time. She met every protestation from Mr. Hare of "But what do you mean, anything?" with "I mean, he's not doing anything!"
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